Trying to Frame a Horse

The week that I started this blog, I had a very vivid dream.  I dreamed we were living in a beautiful, pristine, glossy-magazine worthy home.  And we had this beautiful chestnut horse.  The horse was wild and free and absolutely stunning.  Rippling muscles, shiny black hair.  I know absolutely nothing about horses in my real life, but in my dream, this horse was just the most beautiful thing.  I just knew this horse would be the perfect thing to frame behind glass in my perfect home.  Now this is dream world, so I framed the horse as though it were actually possible.  After a few days of looking at the horse behind the glass, I watched it burst out to be wild and free again. But instead of running through the house to show off it’s beautiful muscles and shiny hair, it was moping and whimpering, hanging its head, barely walking.  In my dream, we had to call a vet and the beautiful horse had to be put down.  All because I had tried to frame the horse.

Maybe it sounds silly, I don’t know, but I still get chills thinking about this dream. It has really stuck with me. I’m no dream expert but it just seems like the horse has to do with creativity, art, or passion.

The minute I started this blog, I felt the weight, the glass, pressing in around me. I put it there myself: the incessant checking of stats, the self comparison, the sinking realization that there are a million other house bloggers out there doing this too. They do it better, have more followers, have better pictures, have a better website, and on and on and on.  The self-doubt, the anxiety, all of it, choking, pressing, stifling. It doesn’t take long for my breath to fog up the glass of this frame I put around myself and all of a sudden, I can’t see or remember what I’m doing here anymore.

That’s not to say a horse running wild in my house would be a good thing either.  I came across this by the wise Ann Voskamp in her book One Thousand Gifts the other day:

“Stress and anxiety seem easier.  Easier to let a mind run wild with the worry than to exercise discipline, to reign her in, slip the blinders on and train her to walk steady in certain assurance, not spooked by the specters looming ahead.”

I’ve been tuned in to horse metaphors since having that dream, as you can see.  I’ve let the stress run wild. I’ve put the passion in a frame. I want this site, this little place I’ve dreamed about for a while now, to live up to my tag line and be what I started it to be: a place of beauty & purpose. I guess I’m not exactly sure what that purpose is just yet but I do know that I need to focus on what’s in front of me now, what God’s given me to do. I don’t have to strive and worry about having the best or newest ideas to show you. I just want to be who God created me to be. No pretenses. No frames.

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7 Responses to Trying to Frame a Horse

  1. Anonymous February 27, 2015 at 10:08 am #

    I love you

    • Bethany February 27, 2015 at 12:33 pm #

      I love you too, my anonymous husband. 😉 thanks for always encouraging me!!!

  2. jjduke1 February 28, 2015 at 10:39 am #

    This is so beautiful! Thank you for sharing so honestly!! Love you!!

  3. teriduf February 28, 2015 at 4:38 pm #

    I love you and I love your heart!…..I learned a truth about myself in reading this….thank you for sharing!

  4. Stephanie March 1, 2015 at 7:37 pm #

    Bethany, we are new IG friends, and I popped over to blog stalk you, and what I want to say is that while your home is lovely, and the work you’re doing in it matters, your heart for Jesus is even lovlier. How kind of Him to whisper to you in that dream. Isn’t He so wondefully specific with each of us? Thanks for sharing. You’re doing a good job. ☺

  5. Kayp March 1, 2015 at 8:49 pm #

    Well…you know how I feel about you! Besides you being my super sweet, fun, and oh so beautiful friend inside and out…..your work is amazing! I love getting further insight into your heart….usually I see it in a different way. your blog isn’t only beautiful because of the spaces you create and design, but you pour your heart out so honestly and I love to read about it! xoxo

    • Bethany March 1, 2015 at 10:22 pm #

      awww thank you, love you friend, so so so excited for you guys!!!!

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